We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize