Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Let's get the cat blown out
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
