So drunk its hurt
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm like, not good at living.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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