I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
