I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
