someone owes me an orgasm
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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