i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
