its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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