Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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