I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
another moral hangover. fuck.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
