i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
