You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
