your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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