Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
