soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
