he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
