Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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