saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he thought i was a dude.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
