Ambien. No doubt about it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
