Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
