i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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