i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
