Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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