So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
