im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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