Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
