I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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