just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
