Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
