Cold hands, warm shart.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
