i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
