i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
