I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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