I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
