yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
