how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
