I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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