She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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