You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i think im in europe. pls send help
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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