Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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