hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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