My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
