I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
