she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
