how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
