it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
