I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
