they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
