I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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