he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
