so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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