I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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