dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
