you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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