he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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