her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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