Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
