Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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