have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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