I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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