so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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