it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
