I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
