i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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