I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
