I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize
