Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
