1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
