College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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