Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
