how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
