Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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