I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
